Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

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Let’s go!

1. Some guy just went on a stabbing rampage! Why don’t we outlaw knives too?! (says the sarcastic gun rights advocate)

"Even butter knives? Then I'll just HAVE to use a gun now..."

“Yes! Yes fuck logic and drawing rational lines and standards. Ban all knives… and cutlery!  And scissors! Anything sharp! No more corners on buildings!  And no more small parts on ANYTHING because babies can choke. Such a clever and rational argument!  Ban fire too!

 

 

2. Just let North Korea bluff. They’re harmless.

Well so is pubic lice technically, but would you just let those things fester on your crotch?  plus:

They said Unicorns were a bluff too.  Kim's power is growing!!!!

They said unicorns were a bluff too. Kim’s power is growing!!!!

 

 

3. These new background checks for guns is just one step closer to a dictatorship! NWO!

"Background checks! More background checks!  Give one good fucking reason why I need a background check or I'll ear-fuck you with my phone! WHY!?"

“Background checks!? More background and mental health checks! Give me one good fucking reason why I need a background check or I’ll ear-fuck you with my phone! WHY!? I am a law-abiding citizen, you fuck! I could just fucking…..ooooh….FUCK!”

 

 

4. Guys who drive Porsche’s are completely secure in themselves.

"Was I ever raped in the Boys Scouts? What? I...I...pshhh.  Just look at the car.  Just.Look.At.The.Car.

“Was I ever raped in the Boys Scouts? What? I…I…pshhh. Just look at the car. Just.Look.At.The.Car.

Follow The Rant Machine on Twitter: @Rickranter

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As we continue with our weekly list of bullshit too many people believe and the rest of us are suppose to just go with it….

1. Those Red Light cameras are for the benefit of society and not at all about fleecing Americans out of cash.

"Frank, that yellow light was only 2 seconds! We are getting fucked with these cameras""Marsha, the local government would never screw out of millions, they LOVE us! We've been through this...

“Frank, that yellow light was only 2 seconds! We are getting fucked with these cameras”
“Marsha,we’ve been through this.  The local government would never screw us out of millions, they LOVE us! They just want to keep us safe.   I’ll just sell some more blood to pay for the ticket.”

2. It’s very important to be concerned about Dennis Rodman’s views on the North Korean leadership.

I'm so fucking relevent. My words change political policies.  And I fucked Madonna once.

‘Cause the guy who fucked Madonna once and has bit roles on Celebrity Apprentice can change political discourse with just a few conversations.

3. It’s so important to find costume and prop inconsistencies in movies and post them on the internet…over and over.

See that?  Boom, your life is changed.

See that? Boom, your life is changed.

4.  Kate Middleton (a new Duchess of a defunct, figure-head monarchy with a long, proud history of incest) and her pregnancy is vital news that should affect your life.  Stay tuned. Always.

If it's a boy, we'll all have pudding.  If it's a girl, I will slaughter you in your beds.

If it’s a boy, we’ll all have pudding. If it’s a girl, I will slaughter you in your beds.

5. Obese children are not a sign of child abuse.  It just shows parents love them sooooo soooo much.

"but mommy never smokes in the house.  She's says that would be bad for us."

“but mommy never smokes in the house. She’s says that would be bad for us.”

follow the Rant on Twitter: @Rickranter

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1. Cruise ships are all death traps.  Fucking Death traps.

Make no mistake: Given the chance, it would kill you and everyone you love

Make no mistake: Given the chance, it would kill you and everyone you love.  And no fresh towels.

2. Justin Beiber is totally original and is in NO WAY ripping off Vanilla Ice.

ice

Word to both our mothers….

beib

Seriously? No one is talking about this?

3. Let’s all pay thousands for a piece of rock that fell from the sky. Onward! To EBAY….

4. The hottest trend in South Africa right now is murdering people.  It’s the thing to do…

Make no mistake: Given the chance, South Africa would murder you and everyone you care about.

Make no mistake: Given the chance, South Africa would murder you and everyone you care about.

5.  It doesn’t matter if Daniel Day Lewis sits in a chair and reads a fucking phone book for two hours…we HAVE to give him an Oscar.

Haha, yes.  It was truly a challenge "becoming" the book. I made nothing by prank phone calls for 2 months.

Haha, yes. It was truly a challenge “becoming” the book. I made nothing but prank phone calls for 2 months.

The Rant is on Twitter: @Rickranter

I’m gonna start doing this….because it’s funny.

This one was from notthegirlyouwanttobewith:

http://notthegirlyouwanttobewith.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/just-call-me-deep/

and she followed it up quickly as well:

http://notthegirlyouwanttobewith.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/oh-wait-i-forgot-the-close-up-shot-of-random-flowers-arent-i-artsy/

ahhh…pure snark.

Have a flower…